Thanks for making me laugh this gloomy morning
You couldn’t be any closer to the truth.
I could add a few more to the list, but all in all very accurate.
11. Do not call JP or BS because she/he has to report all calls to HK, KC, FA. That includes NO EMAILS to them also. Don’t ask dumb questions about IC, goals, or your numbers.
12. If HK asks you how old you are lie to her. Once you start getting a bonus again go see a dermatologist for Botox and Dysport fillers. Don’t forget your sunscreen every day especially when driving to your offices this summer. Wrinkles are your worst enemy besides HK and KC.
13. You must get tanked at all company meetings. If you absolutely must, quietly ask for sprite or ginger ale. Anyone can fake being drunk. Just giggle a lot and touch your fellow Amnealians inappropriately. Just try to remember how you acted at fraternity or sorority parties.
14. No matter how difficult, agree with all company directions either on email or spoken during conference calls. Smile when on all Teams calls, but don’t over do it because excessive smiling causes wrinkles, and you know what that means.
15. If you do happen to be asked about the ages of your children just say they are in nursery school, kindergarten, etc. Younger children mean younger employees. Better yet, say you don’t have children. Never, ever admit to having grandchildren. You are dead if you let that statement slip out.
16. Dress for success. When you start receiving bonuses again, buy a lovely pair of Christian Louboutin or Valentino heels to wear at the next NSM. If HK or KC works with you in the field wear them then too! If you are a male, buy a nice pair of Burberry, Prada, or Ferragamo dress shoes. Follow same directions above for the female reps. Don’t even think about wearing your Hoka’s. Remember, CP might love them, but he is over 40.