Well here we are at Kempton Park for the first annual Marken Bullsh!t Stakes!
The runners and riders in this 3 horse race are as follows:- Tug Boat Willy riding Woten Arsol; Droopy McDiddley riding No Cok and Mugglee Whiner riding Lying Cant
And their off. Woten Arsol takes an early lead with No Cok tucked in right behind him just where he likes to be and Lying Cant sniffing at the rear as usual. The first 3 fences named 'Truth', 'Integrity' and 'Honesty' were all removed as it was felt impossible for any of this years runners to clear any of them and the fence called 'Training' wasn't even discussed, the fence called 'Sales' has been so badly neglected that it had rotted away and 'Customer Services' and 'Morale' are now so low that they are barely recognisable and when 'Man Management' was mentioned everyone just burst out laughing as we all know it doesn't exist.
This only leaves our gallant three 5 more fences to clear and none of them should be a problem; watch as they all sail over 'Deception'; marvel as they pass over 'Human Resources' like it wasn't even there, 'Lying' comes naturally to them all; 'Employment Law' is a bit tricky so they all just sneak past it and hope no one notices and then their favourite fence of all 'Bullying Staff' they take twice because it's the only one they're really good at.
Now they're on the final run in to the finish but it's clear who's going to win; no one beats 'The Coker' to a 'line'
Final Result:- 1st Woten Arsol by a swollen nose from 2nd No Cok by a very short length from 3rd Lying Cant right up the rear as usual.
The Trophy will be presented by the CEO.........er...... 'Watch This Space'..................
Following the recently leaked emails the senior management have decided to set up a new security regime to ensure that all emails will be monitored at all times. In order to achieve this it was felt imperative that only the 3 most trusted managers should provide this cover.
In order to maintain their anonymity only their initials and their first names will be used to form this rota. There will be 2 shifts each comprising 2 of the 3 managers.
The first shift will be known as the WANC shift and the second shift will be known as the WILLEE shift.
This shift pattern will be named in honour of the 2 most senior managers and will be known as the WA & NC Esoteric Rota Sytem or WANCERS for short. The WANCERS shift pattern will be made up of two 12 hour shifts each day and will begin with immediate effect, the initial rota will run in the following sequence:-
(NB. Due to the esoteric nature of this system only a few of you will understand it so in order to follow it, its best to sing along to the theme tune from the 'Great Escape'.)
WILLEE... WANC WILLEE WANC WANC
WANC WANC WANC WILLEE WILLEE WANC WANC
WANC WANC WANC WILLEE...WANC WILLEE WANC WANC
WANC WANC WANC WILLEE WANC WANC
If you don't like the rota don't worry cos the WANCERS will probably change it next week anyway.
If for any reason any of the above cannot complete their rota commitments 2 volunteers from of our new branch in Fuchnoswhereorwye will take over.
They are 'Charlie Upisooter' and the rather lovely Russian girl 'Nigellina Taterfield-Spudpikin'.
Their initials will form the name.........er.......wait a minute.... it was that shift that got us into trouble in the first place....