Michelle Weese










































































































To: Michelle Weese
From: VP of Corporate Marketing
Subject: Reimagining our celebrity endorsement

Michelle,

After giving it some thought, I suggest we shift gears and move away from Beyoncé as the face of our new brand campaign. Instead, let’s consider Melania Trump.

Sure, Beyoncé’s got star power, but Melania gives us a direct line to the new administration, which is crucial for advancing our priorities in D.C.

Melania’s icy stare isn’t exactly what we’d sell as “comforting” for patients. But let’s be real—that whole angle was just some bullshit anyway.

Let’s move fast on this before someone else beats us to it.

Best,
A
 
















To: Michelle Weese
From: VP of Corporate Marketing
Subject: Reimagining our celebrity endorsement

Michelle,

After giving it some thought, I suggest we shift gears and move away from Beyoncé as the face of our new brand campaign. Instead, let’s consider Melania Trump.

Sure, Beyoncé’s got star power, but Melania gives us a direct line to the new administration, which is crucial for advancing our priorities in D.C.

Melania’s icy stare isn’t exactly what we’d sell as “comforting” for patients. But let’s be real—that whole angle was just some bullshit anyway.

Let’s move fast on this before someone else beats us to it.

Best,
A
I heard Corporate Marketing was interviewing some decent external talent in Basel and then Michelle and A had a chat…
 








To: Michelle Weese
From: VP of Corporate Marketing
Subject: Reimagining our celebrity endorsement

Michelle,

After giving it some thought, I suggest we shift gears and move away from Beyoncé as the face of our new brand campaign. Instead, let’s consider Melania Trump.

Sure, Beyoncé’s got star power, but Melania gives us a direct line to the new administration, which is crucial for advancing our priorities in D.C.

Melania’s icy stare isn’t exactly what we’d sell as “comforting” for patients. But let’s be real—that whole angle was just some bullshit anyway.

Let’s move fast on this before someone else beats us to it.

Best,
A
From: Donald J. Trump
To: Robert F Kennedy Jr.
Subject: Big Pharma Bleeding Us Dry

Bobby,

Tremendous talking to you the other day. You know, people are talking – smart people – and they’re saying Big Pharma has been running a total scam on the American healthcare system.

These foreign drug companies – especially the Swiss ones, let’s start with the Swiss – they’re making BILLIONS off Americans. We’re getting ripped off. Big time.

Take Novartis. Ever heard of them? Me neither. But they’re running a Super Bowl ad. A Super Bowl ad! You know what that means? Too much money! They’re spending millions instead of lowering drug prices. That tells me one thing: They can afford to pay more.

So here’s my idea (and it’s a great one): We start with Novartis. We hit them with a "Make America Healthy Again" tax – beautiful name, by the way, totally came up with that myself – and we make them pay their fair share. The Swiss will cry, Bobby, they’ll cry big beautiful Swiss tears, but they’ll pay.

Donald J. Trump
 








From: Donald J. Trump
To: Robert F Kennedy Jr.
Subject: Big Pharma Bleeding Us Dry

Bobby,

Tremendous talking to you the other day. You know, people are talking – smart people – and they’re saying Big Pharma has been running a total scam on the American healthcare system.

These foreign drug companies – especially the Swiss ones, let’s start with the Swiss – they’re making BILLIONS off Americans. We’re getting ripped off. Big time.

Take Novartis. Ever heard of them? Me neither. But they’re running a Super Bowl ad. A Super Bowl ad! You know what that means? Too much money! They’re spending millions instead of lowering drug prices. That tells me one thing: They can afford to pay more.

So here’s my idea (and it’s a great one): We start with Novartis. We hit them with a "Make America Healthy Again" tax – beautiful name, by the way, totally came up with that myself – and we make them pay their fair share. The Swiss will cry, Bobby, they’ll cry big beautiful Swiss tears, but they’ll pay.

Donald J. Trump
1) Far too coherent. I mean, on orders of magnitude, too coherent.
2) Pay your "fair share" to the bitcoin scheme and you'll be left alone (for the moment).
3) Will be fascinating to see what happens to medications that are fee-for-service dependent when His Orangeness and The Wormbrain demand that everyone be moved to Managed Medicare (after all, that's where the real grift is).