Husband's PORN Habit

GorgeousGAMS said:
Porn, dirty stories, dress up, young lovers. . . yep, we love it all. Look, sixty percent of first marriages fail and more than seventy percent of second. More than sixty percent in marriage admit to being unfaithful and we do not know about all those that live together. I agree with FT and the others: if he or you is not getting sex regularly, something is wrong in the marriage. Men who do not get it at least once a week and a good BJ too, are going to end up going somewhere else for it. Sorry your hubby let himself go. I know that feeling and the porn issue. Our solution, I took a young lover and let him have his porn. Guess what? I suddenly did not care so much about how he looked and he was very interested in my "stories," which created a demented match made in heaven. Now we all get to have our cake and eat it too.

However, it does sound like he has an addiction which will not be easy to get rid of unless you both replace it. Anyone who is looking at porn every night is not busy enough. Can you get him to go to the gym or for a walk with you? Sounds like you both have some talking to do and need to do something fun together. While what worked for my marriage probably won't work for others, we do have a lot of fun now and I find myself far more tolerant of "bad" behavior. LOL
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As usual, GG shows up and 'nails' it.

Please visit more often - You are missed!
 






libluvsbukkake said:
I love this woman!!!!!!! I finally told mine that she really doesn't have to worry about sex anymore, because we aren't and never have been into each other. She wants to do the counseling thing, and the truth may come out then. That said, I can only handle my lover 2-3 times per week now, and it's done wonders for MY porn addiction. Life is too short for shitty sex.
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Libs,

I agree with GG, don't tell her about your lover. Even Ann Landers says that. Just go with 'irreconcilable differences' if they have it in your state and a 50/50 split. There's no need to cough up all the details. She's the mother of your kids and if you do, it will come back and bite you in the ass plus you'll probably feel shitty about it. The whole process is tough enough but in the end it's best to be friends.
 






Drug Dumper said:
I know -- just musing on the keyboard. I guess I've been through enough that $$ won't dictate my actions when it comes to my happiness. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have more $$ in the bank, etc., and I've had my fair share of crappy times, but if there are a few things I've learned:

1. One can live on a helluva lot less than what they have become accustomed to.

2. The is no amount of $$ that will keep me in an unhappy situation.

Hey, it's all good. Whatever floats your boat....
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Agree again. I tried staying in for awhile so I could live in a house instead of a condo, etc, etc. Now I have more fun in the condo than I ever had in the house even though it was so much nicer.
 






Vagitarian said:
Libs,

I agree with GG, don't tell her about your lover. Even Ann Landers says that. Just go with 'irreconcilable differences' if they have it in your state and a 50/50 split. There's no need to cough up all the details. She's the mother of your kids and if you do, it will come back and bite you in the ass plus you'll probably feel shitty about it. The whole process is tough enough but in the end it's best to be friends.
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I learned this the hard way 13 years ago. Not going there again. The best would be if she left me, without knowing.
 






farmaone said:
My husband is destroying our marriage, again, with his porn habit. Its bad enough we went through his cheating scandal but now I am suffering through a porn habit of nightly porn additions. Some of the porn and nudity appears to be stars that look like the whore he cheated on me with. He ain't no stud in the bed for sure and what he doesn't know is before we were married I did have great lovers. And before any of you go there I am not a pig, far from it. He actually let himself go. Good thing for my toys. I am starting to hate him for all he has done to us and our family. Help!
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Your marriage and your family are in danger.

Please don't listen to much of the advice which has been offered on this thread so far. Most of it is pathetic and sure to do further harm to your marriage.

It's apparent that this is a big issue with you, as it should be, and it needs to be addressed.

First, I would find a good Christian family counselor and try to get your husband to go to counseling with you. If he won't go, then you go alone. At least it's a start.

You can go to places like the American Family Association or Focus on the Family and find organizations and resources which can help you deal with your husband's porn addiction.

Yes, you need to take care of your business in the bedroom, as you do in all spheres of your marriage but the truth is that in all probability his porn addiction isn't so much about you as it is about him. You don't want to condemn him but you do need to make it clear that you have a problem with his persistent use of porn and that it is important to you and to the health of your marriage that he address this issue.
 












farmaone said:
My husband is destroying our marriage, again, with his porn habit. Its bad enough we went through his cheating scandal but now I am suffering through a porn habit of nightly porn additions. Some of the porn and nudity appears to be stars that look like the whore he cheated on me with. He ain't no stud in the bed for sure and what he doesn't know is before we were married I did have great lovers. And before any of you go there I am not a pig, far from it. He actually let himself go. Good thing for my toys. I am starting to hate him for all he has done to us and our family. Help!
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Load your shotgun and shoot the computer. Tell him he's next if he doesn't straighten up. Do it wearing a negligee.
 


















Drug Dumper said:
She may just be holding out for the extra 10% too.
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Or stuffing it away as we speak. We employ "Don't Ask Don't Tell" when it comes to finances. Plus she stands to inherit quite a bit. I don't have much right to that and hopefully, she would take my willingness to walk away from all of that a good-faith gesture. I hear that after 10 years, a pre-nup is invalid.
 






farmaone said:
My husband is destroying our marriage, again, with his porn habit. Its bad enough we went through his cheating scandal but now I am suffering through a porn habit of nightly porn additions. Some of the porn and nudity appears to be stars that look like the whore he cheated on me with. He ain't no stud in the bed for sure and what he doesn't know is before we were married I did have great lovers. And before any of you go there I am not a pig, far from it. He actually let himself go. Good thing for my toys. I am starting to hate him for all he has done to us and our family. Help!
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If a spouse is cheating on his/her spouse with porn, it's because he/she's not getting what he/she needs at home.
 












Actually, I do agree that a "porn addiction" can certainly be a sign someone is not getting enough action at home. However, it never starts that way. Usually, someone has been looking at porn on a gradual basis. Two people, for whatever reasons, start to tune each other out at home. They start to do their own thing and talk less and less. Each comes home and does their own thing. Porn becomes a little more attractive especially when there is no connection at home. It does not always have to be the "woman's" fault. Women do not put out when a guy checks out on her as well. He might burden her too much with both work outside and inside the home. Communicate without really engagement. Give up on flowers or gifts/cards, compliments and thank yous. One or the other could have suffered health problems and just the wear and tear of old age. Porn gets to be more interesting and a way for some release. If it is interaction, it starts to take the place of the spouse relationship. Soon, it does become an addiction. By definition, at that point the behavior has impacted that person's thinking processes and ruined their ability to have fun and connect on any real level. It can take a lot of work to get over any addiction. MFAS is right about it probably no longer being about the wife and she should stop taking it personal. Just like a lot of addictions, you have to make the person want to re-engage in life and reconnect with humanity and the people important to them. On the other hand, a little porn is not a bad thing. I think my husband got started when his first marriage went south. There was nothing like him thinking some younger guy was going to take me away to get his attention. While this may sound drastic or selfish, it is no more of a wake up call then the recommendation to shoot the computer. That had occured to me as well. Anyway, I wonder where our orginal poster has gone. Was this just a troll post all along?
 






Clearly this person's desire for erotica or porn exceeds the spouse's so that's what needs to be resolved - the difference. As a couple we have found some borderline erotica/porn movies to be quite titillating. I can't remember the names offhand but there are several movies out there that contain explicit, non-simiulated sex and they can be quite healthy in coaxing lust and romance back into a relationship while also satisfying thirst for occassionally viewing actual sex acts.
 






Original Zin said:
Clearly this person's desire for erotica or porn exceeds the spouse's so that's what needs to be resolved - the difference. As a couple we have found some borderline erotica/porn movies to be quite titillating. I can't remember the names offhand but there are several movies out there that contain explicit, non-simiulated sex and they can be quite healthy in coaxing lust and romance back into a relationship while also satisfying thirst for occassionally viewing actual sex acts.
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Vag sent me an ad for a tantra chair with non-simulated sex, that is one of the hottest porns I have seen in a few years. As the recognized "porn expert" among my friends, I can tell you that the cliched ass-slapping, choking, and degradation porn has run it's course. Most Amateur porn can be erotic, because the couples actually kiss and interact with each other. That to me is the hottest porn.
 






libluvsbukkake said:
Vag sent me an ad for a tantra chair with non-simulated sex, that is one of the hottest porns I have seen in a few years. As the recognized "porn expert" among my friends, I can tell you that the cliched ass-slapping, choking, and degradation porn has run it's course. Most Amateur porn can be erotic, because the couples actually kiss and interact with each other. That to me is the hottest porn.
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God yes, that ad is erotic and hot. Whew! My gf and I had the nicest 'session' after watching it together. And I agree, degradation stuff isn't even mildly stimulating but some of the playful erotic dom/sub stuff depicted in 50 Shades is intriguing. My gf even wants to explore some of it in a playful manner and going over that list of what each of us is willing to do and not willing to do and might be willing to do - omgt! That was hot in and of itself!

The key is keeping the deep kissing in tandem wioth the hot sex acts.
 






Vagitarian said:
God yes, that ad is erotic and hot. Whew! My gf and I had the nicest 'session' after watching it together. And I agree, degradation stuff isn't even mildly stimulating but some of the playful erotic dom/sub stuff depicted in 50 Shades is intriguing. My gf even wants to explore some of it in a playful manner and going over that list of what each of us is willing to do and not willing to do and might be willing to do - omgt! That was hot in and of itself!

The key is keeping the deep kissing in tandem wioth the hot sex acts.
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That's what they call sexual chemistry. Seeing my baby tonight.
 






GorgeousGAMS said:
Actually, I do agree that a "porn addiction" can certainly be a sign someone is not getting enough action at home. However, it never starts that way. Usually, someone has been looking at porn on a gradual basis. Two people, for whatever reasons, start to tune each other out at home. They start to do their own thing and talk less and less. Each comes home and does their own thing. Porn becomes a little more attractive especially when there is no connection at home. It does not always have to be the "woman's" fault. Women do not put out when a guy checks out on her as well. He might burden her too much with both work outside and inside the home. Communicate without really engagement. Give up on flowers or gifts/cards, compliments and thank yous. One or the other could have suffered health problems and just the wear and tear of old age. Porn gets to be more interesting and a way for some release. If it is interaction, it starts to take the place of the spouse relationship. Soon, it does become an addiction. By definition, at that point the behavior has impacted that person's thinking processes and ruined their ability to have fun and connect on any real level. It can take a lot of work to get over any addiction. MFAS is right about it probably no longer being about the wife and she should stop taking it personal. Just like a lot of addictions, you have to make the person want to re-engage in life and reconnect with humanity and the people important to them. On the other hand, a little porn is not a bad thing. I think my husband got started when his first marriage went south. There was nothing like him thinking some younger guy was going to take me away to get his attention. While this may sound drastic or selfish, it is no more of a wake up call then the recommendation to shoot the computer. That had occured to me as well. Anyway, I wonder where our orginal poster has gone. Was this just a troll post all along?
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Just curious as to your thoughts of couples who use it as erotica. My husband and I love to watch porn together. It's expanded our communication as lovers and that has spilled into our daily 'non-erotic' lives in simply being more open with each other on many other levels. We have no fear of intimacy and sharing sexual desires, our tastes are pretty much the same and neither of us feels threatened. We've learned a lot too. It's very arousing, for example, sitting at dinner together and whispering about something we watched and then maybe did or plan to do ourselves. We have a lot of fun with it. It keeps us feeling young and vital. We read 50 Shades together. That in itself was a great learning tool. We enjoy giving each other pleasure and it hurts no one. We're not addicts (well, maybe a little, but in a good way. LOL!) and we're pretty normal people.
 






Well, I'll be damned - something we agree on.

For anyone interested, go into Google, type in tantrachair, click the first link that comes up for tantrachair and click it. When that slide loads, click 'positions' and watch. Then click film and watch the entire film with your spouse, s.o. or sex partner. I defy ANYone to tell me this isn't healthy eroticism for a couple to share. And remember, it doesn't have to be a married couple (since I'm not married but very healthily involved). HGood sex makes for happy, joyful living.
 






libluvsbukkake said:
Vag sent me an ad for a tantra chair with non-simulated sex, that is one of the hottest porns I have seen in a few years. As the recognized "porn expert" among my friends, I can tell you that the cliched ass-slapping, choking, and degradation porn has run it's course. Most Amateur porn can be erotic, because the couples actually kiss and interact with each other. That to me is the hottest porn.
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I agree completely with you. I'm not into humiliation or degradation of any kind but am into erotic sex. It just so happens my partner is my husband, LOL!
 






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