Happy vs Unhappy - what do you think?

GorgeousGAMS

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Hairy and MFAS have accused me of being an unhappy person because I call myself a bitch and have a record of poor life choices. (Hey, congrats on being assholes!)

I will tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a sweet girl who thought the world was fair and who thought hard work and honesty led to a good life. Then she found out that men lie and rpe, people cheat and steal, the law is not here to protect you and no one really gives a crap about anyone but themselves. She got old, sick and tired, had evil people steal her happines and wealth. When she needed her employer/job most, even this entity dumped her because she was sick. telling her to get a lawyer if she did not like it.

I got a lawyer and he taught me a few things about life, the law, fairness, and people. I do not think after my life experiences there are any people who would NOT be a bitch when needed. Most people who actually KNOW ME, call me an inspiration and a survivor! My life experiences are the same reason we have a gun in every room. Did I think at fifty that I'd be in grad school with a student loan? Fuck no. Am I trying to make the best of it? Yes. Is most of it do to choices? Some, but a lot of it was luck of the draw because my choices were good ones. Sadly, they did not lead to the desired outcome because other people fucked up. (Funny how people blessed with good fortune will pat themselves on the back, while those they see as "cursed" blame that person for their choices! That is social psych 101.) I was not one of the lucky ones. My mom always said I liked to take the long way home. Maybe she was right.

I may not be the happiest person for sure, but I'm one of the hardest working, brightest, fun-loving, and peaceful people you would meet. Complex? Yes. Brilliant? Probably. A tad jealous of those that can kick back and retire now? Absolutely. That being said, I keep pretty much to myself because I do not trust nor like most people. Why? They like to flash their success in your face and are so full of themselves they think they can tell others how to live life. I pretty much hate that. They believe that "good living" will lead to a blessed life. What they don't know is they are full of shit. Just because "it" has not happened to you or your family, don't assume that others who have have had something bad happen brought it on themselves. You have no compassion and that is why you should never sit in judgement of anyone else.
 
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People say the same thing about me, too. But I'm too lazy to go back to school. I'd rather take a pay cut of 60% of what I used to make and be sure I have health insurance at a no-brainer job instead of waiting for that job that will pay me what I'm worth.

There's another word for us, GG, and is called pragmatic.

I'm not a big equal rights person either, but I will say the pay/job opportunities are not the same for women as they are for men. But then again, I don't want to carry a rifle in war or dig ditches. So, life is what it is.
 






Well, I am not willing to take a paycut and my bucket list actually included two things: write a book and get a graduate degree. Now, I still need to publish the first one but it needs some trimming and a better Chapter 1 and maybe an inclusion with more character development. I hope the degree pans out and keeps me employed at the salary I have now. Actually, I am hopeful to earn more by working for the government. But if all else falls flat, I will write that second and third book, join literary clubs and really try to be a good author. No money there but I could be "happy" living in a trailer by a lake. . . with my guns and cats.

Hey, folks: What is on YOUR bucket list?
 
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GorgeousGAMS said:
Hairy and MFAS have accused me of being an unhappy person because I call myself a bitch and have a record of poor life choices. (Hey, congrats on being assholes!)

I will tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a sweet girl who thought the world was fair and who thought hard work and honesty led to a good life. Then she found out that men lie and rpe, people cheat and steal, the law is not here to protect you and no one really gives a crap about anyone but themselves. She got old, sick and tired, had evil people steal her happines and wealth. When she needed her employer/job most, even this entity dumped her because she was sick. telling her to get a lawyer if she did not like it.

I got a lawyer and he taught me a few things about life, the law, fairness, and people. I do not think after my life experiences there are any people who would NOT be a bitch when needed. Most people who actually KNOW ME, call me an inspiration and a survivor! My life experiences are the same reason we have a gun in every room. Did I think at fifty that I'd be in grad school with a student loan? Fuck no. Am I trying to make the best of it? Yes. Is most of it do to choices? Some, but a lot of it was luck of the draw because my choices were good ones. Sadly, they did not lead to the desired outcome because other people fucked up. (Funny how people blessed with good fortune will pat themselves on the back, while those they see as "cursed" blame that person for their choices! That is social psych 101.) I was not one of the lucky ones. My mom always said I liked to take the long way home. Maybe she was right.

I may not be the happiest person for sure, but I'm one of the hardest working, brightest, fun-loving, and peaceful people you would meet. Complex? Yes. Brilliant? Probably. A tad jealous of those that can kick back and retire now? Absolutely. That being said, I keep pretty much to myself because I do not trust nor like most people. Why? They like to flash their success in your face and are so full of themselves they think they can tell others how to live life. I pretty much hate that. They believe that "good living" will lead to a blessed life. What they don't know is they are full of shit. Just because "it" has not happened to you or your family, don't assume that others who have have had something bad happen brought it on themselves. You have no compassion and that is why you should never sit in judgement of anyone else.
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Godless people often feel this way. You think you're the only person that feels like this? Everyone on this board has a story to tell.

About 2 years ago on this playground, I read about your 3 year plight of being bedridden. I took about 10 minutes of my time to offer some sympathy, codolences and even empathy. And you in turn chewed me out for patrionizing you.

I'm sorry....but many times in life you reap what you sew. Now go ahead and call me a "Bible thumper" for quoting it here. It's so cool to do so on the internet....especially now....a couple weeks before the biggest Christian event of the year.
 






Hairy - I was a crab when I was sick and heavily medicated most of the time. I have no idea of those two years at all. Truly, if I bit your head off, I am sorry. Now, we can get back to arguing.

I believe in God - 100 percent. No question in my mind. It is just not the Christain God that you see in the Bible. Is there Divine Justice? Yes, but not all evil people get punished and not everyone reaps what they sow. Check out the wealthy corrupt SOBs in government or our justice system. Does the Bible offer up ways to live life and have it turn out? Yes. So do M. Scott Peck, Victor Frankl, Gandhi, Csikszentmihalyi and others. Is your idea of good living in the Old Testament? Not really. It is filled with hate, fear and horror stories with some poems. Do people that go to church seem to handle stress and life's curveballs better than those who don't? Actually, yes. But it is a group support thing and nothing more. Try not to read too much into your church going lifestyle and do not ever assume that because I don't go that I have no faith. You would be mistaken.
 
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GorgeousGAMS said:
Hairy - I was a crab when I was sick and heavily medicated most of the time. I have no idea of those two years at all. Truly, if I bit your head off, I am sorry. Now, we can get back to arguing.

I believe in God - 100 percent. No question in my mind. It is just not the Christain God that you see in the Bible. Is there Divine Justice? Yes, but not all evil people get punished and not everyone reaps what they sow. Check out the wealthy corrupt SOBs in government or our justice system. Does the Bible offer up ways to live life and have it turn it? Yes. So do M. Scott Peck, Victor Frankl, Gandhi, Csikszentmihalyi and others. Is your idea of good living in the Old Testament? Not really. It is filled with hate, fear and horror stories with some poems. Do people that go to church seem to handle stress and life's curveballs better than those who don't? Actually, yes. But it is a group support thing and nothing more. Try not to read too much into your church going lifestyle and do not ever assume that because I don't go that I have no faith. You would be mistaken.
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GG, there are many days when I feel your way, and you have said the key words, "making the best of it." While I really like Hairy and respect him greatly, his church was nothing but an instrument of guilt in my life, and is only there for its biggest donors. This is why I have found so much solace in the writings of Ayn Rand in my life. Her perspective as a Russian Jew, who escaped the Bolshiveks, is that I refuse to be victimized, I refuse to be knocked down permanently, and I refuse to apologize for rational selfishnesh, and ego (belief that I am right and will be successful, whatever that means). In my case, religion has always been an instrument of guilt, and many of the worst (pedophile priests included), go unpunished. If it were up to me, every one of them would get the Father Gahagen treatment (beaten to death in prison). But life such as it is, is unfair every day. I think that you have come out of your health issues much stronger, and with a better perspective than many of us. My health and life setbacks are miniscule compared to yours.
 






We are taught to believe that even those who do bad things on earth will be dealt with eventually when God and only God judges them. THEN they'll reap what they've sowed.

I'm not sure I go wholeheartedly with this. I've seen too many assholes end up on the long list while the good people are on the short list. And quite honestly, I'd rather see them get their due course while I am here and can enjoy it.
 






GorgeousGAMS said:
Hairy - I was a crab when I was sick and heavily medicated most of the time. I have no idea of those two years at all. Truly, if I bit your head off, I am sorry. Now, we can get back to arguing.
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Fair enough. You think life was all peachy for me when I was sick? You want to hear my story?

I built an incredible business...working 80 hours a week....hired and trained 4 sales consultants....was making over 200K a year...in a town where the median income for a couple was less than 41K.

The type of work I was involved being exposed to toxic materials....and the last 3 years in full time business...I would find myself in the emergency room getting treated...5 or 6 times per year.

I was forced to give it up. I took a job in pharma....a field I knew nothing about. I went to training with headaches so bad that I could barely stand up through those 2 weeks of boot camp.

4 months later, I was diagnosed with cancer....but in order to collect s.t. disability, I had to continue working...while taking chemo. I drove 3 hours per day high on Percocets....while my face was turning gray and my fucking hair was falling out.

I was told by management..."rules are rules...and oh yeah...hope you get better".

I made my 6 months. And 6 months of chemo...and 20 straight days of radiation (sans weekends).

My oncologist pronounced me "fit" to go back to work....after 8 months of treatments. My company basically told me to fuck off.

I took a pharma job 3 hours away from home with a contract company in order to get employed somewhere. I lived away from my family for 2 fuggin years....missing a ton of my son's sports and my daughter's school activities.

And that's just the tip of what hell I went through. Damn near cost me my marriage and my family....which is all I really give a shit about anyway.

And so....when I took 10 minutes of my life to encourage you....sympathize with you....empathize with you...so on and so forth....I found it a tad annoying whenever you responded with "fuck off with your sympathy shit".
 






LIBS, you and DD are two of the nicest people I "know".

I think both of you are great and we all must endure our own personal form of Hell or challenges. Are they selected especially for us to teach us something? I don't know. I appreciate your thoughts that my legal battle and health encounters were very difficult. But I would not have survived without my "prince, my knight, a small cat and a guardian angel". . . People are the angels or perhaps angels move through people. I surely know demons do. I suppose Hairy will find it odd that I can believe in concepts like good and evil and even angels and demons and not go to church or get sucked into one of the hundreds of religions. I believe because I have seen them and have no other explaination. Perhaps Hairy and MFAS have a point that I choose to not go because that would mean I would have to confront my own selfish behavors. Could be. But I more agree with you LIBs about the guilt. Who needs it and I don't get it. People do horrible things. Sometimes we just need to get over it and move on. Most people do what they need to do just to survive and get through the day. Some do it better than others. However, most people who say they have never done anything horrible, illegal or immoral are liars.
 






thehairyfiddler said:
Fair enough. You think life was all peachy for me when I was sick? You want to hear my story?

I built an incredible business...working 80 hours a week....hired and trained 4 sales consultants....was making over 200K a year...in a town where the median income for a couple was less than 41K.

The type of work I was involved being exposed to toxic materials....and the last 3 years in full time business...I would find myself in the emergency room getting treated...5 or 6 times per year.

I was forced to give it up. I took a job in pharma....a field I knew nothing about. I went to training with headaches so bad that I could barely stand up through those 2 weeks of boot camp.

4 months later, I was diagnosed with cancer....but in order to collect s.t. disability, I had to continue working...while taking chemo. I drove 3 hours per day high on Percocets....while my face was turning gray and my fucking hair was falling out.

I was told by management..."rules are rules...and oh yeah...hope you get better".

I made my 6 months. And 6 months of chemo...and 20 straight days of radiation (sans weekends).

My oncologist pronounced me "fit" to go back to work....after 8 months of treatments. My company basically told me to fuck off.

I took a pharma job 3 hours away from home with a contract company in order to get employed somewhere. I lived away from my family for 2 fuggin years....missing a ton of my son's sports and my daughter's school activities.

And that's just the tip of what hell I went through. Damn near cost me my marriage and my family....which is all I really give a shit about anyway.

And so....when I took 10 minutes of my life to encourage you....sympathize with you....empathize with you...so on and so forth....I found it a tad annoying whenever you responded with "fuck off with your sympathy shit".
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I am so sorry, Hairy. Your story is very much like mine. Employers really suck and I pray no one has to endure what you did and what I did. Again, please accept my appology for my behavior. I was on a lot medication and often felt so damn sorry for myself I wanted to die. When I did not, I would wake up angry and pissed off at the world. I could not understand why my family would go through seven years of Hell and lose everything and then I had to lose my health, my hair, my good looks and nearly my job too.

DD might be right that I have handled my "come back" poorly. I just find it hard to believe that I beat death and for what? This? A so/so relationship with someone who doesn't want to do anything I do, a job I really don't like, too much debt and now no time because I CHOOSE to go to grad school to try and do something with my life before it runs out.

Again, I am sorry. I do not think you have shared your story before and it is horrific. There is something really wrong with America when good people get sick and employers find a way to get rid of them with no recourse. GG
 






GG has shared her faith very openly on this board. Maybe it isn't traditional, organized religion, but there is a deep faith in God, so dismissing sadness with godlessness doesn't add up.

I do agree with Hairy on one thing - that those of us of this age have almost all lived through something huge in our lives. For me, the answer to personal happiness is so simple it will sound trite. But, I focus on what I can control. When my husband first became ill and we nearly faced bankruptcy, and the kids were very young, there was certainly time wasted complaining about my lot in life. But there was just no time for it and kids who needed me to be there and to do more than I thought I could and did what was needed to do to earn more. When the marriage went through a long term major slump due to illness and issues that created, I focused on reestablishing more time and connection with family and friends, created a separate life with hobbies, school. and friends that brought me some satisfaction, and you get through . My life isn't perfect, but I try to focus on what is good, what is amazing, and to close out what I can't change or control. The serenity prayer says it all for what works for me most of the time. It doesn't eliminate dark days and doesn't solve everything but makes me see a broader picture, like with you GG, Hairy, my spouse - you survived. That's worth celebrating.
 
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libluvsbukkake said:
GG, there are many days when I feel your way, and you have said the key words, "making the best of it." While I really like Hairy and respect him greatly, his church was nothing but an instrument of guilt in my life, and is only there for its biggest donors. This is why I have found so much solace in the writings of Ayn Rand in my life. Her perspective as a Russian Jew, who escaped the Bolshiveks, is that I refuse to be victimized, I refuse to be knocked down permanently, and I refuse to apologize for rational selfishnesh, and ego (belief that I am right and will be successful, whatever that means). In my case, religion has always been an instrument of guilt, and many of the worst (pedophile priests included), go unpunished. If it were up to me, every one of them would get the Father Gahagen treatment (beaten to death in prison). But life such as it is, is unfair every day. I think that you have come out of your health issues much stronger, and with a better perspective than many of us. My health and life setbacks are miniscule compared to yours.
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You should order this book LLB. I was on another website this morning...and the thread was entitled "memories of Cleveland Muny Stadium". I was at the game when Dick fuckin Tracewsky hit a 3 run homer off of Sudden Sam McDowell to ruin our chances in 1968.

http://www.amazon.com/Sock-Em-Tigers-Incredible-Detroit/dp/1934186163
 






GorgeousGAMS said:
I am so sorry, Hairy. Your story is very much like mine. Employers really suck and I pray no one has to endure what you did and what I did. Again, please accept my appology for my behavior. I was on a lot medication and often felt so damn sorry for myself I wanted to die. When I did not, I would wake up angry and pissed off at the world. I could not understand why my family would go through seven years of Hell and lose everything and then I had to lose my health, my hair, my good looks and nearly my job too.

DD might be right that I have handled my "come back" poorly. I just find it hard to believe that I beat death and for what? This? A so/so relationship with someone who doesn't want to do anything I do, a job I really don't like, too much debt and now no time because I CHOOSE to go to grad school to try and do something with my life before it runs out.

Again, I am sorry. I do not think you have shared your story before and it is horrific. There is something really wrong with America when good people get sick and employers find a way to get rid of them with no recourse. GG
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Really nice post GG. I call a permanent truce with you. I wish you the absolute very best.
 












Great thread...which started with a story personalized to GG, but which could be channeled to each of us in some way, shape, or form.

I think people are divided into 2 groups: those who share their stories and those who do not. I keep a lot private, sharing only with people special and close to me. At work, they know little about my personal life, and I choose to keep it that way. I'm a listener more than a giver of info. People need others to listen and be there for them.

That being said, I have had friends who share, but take the gift of sharing to the limits of being 'malcontents.' They want to wallow in misery due to their self-centered natures. It becomes all about them. Takers...who never give back or are there for others.

GG, this is not you. You seem to have had some trying times, and I think you vented your anger away. That's a good thing! Once you vent, let it go so those feelings never come back.

Unlike Libs who had the Catholic guilt growing up, I also went through years of Catholic school, but never felt guilt. I'm spiritual, not religious. I'm disgusted with the indiscretions if the Cathoic Church which the hierarchy chose to hide. Many, many children suffered, and those priests will hopefully pay at some point. Makes me sick. I can't even look at the Pope on TV because he was a culprit in all this dishonesty also. I also believe they see women as subservient and this is appalling.

You need to look at the good you have before you and focus forward. I have beautiful children who have never given me an ounce of displeasure and are successful and fun to be with. Yet, tipping the scale the other way is where I have dealt with sickness with my parents and family that has torn my heart to pieces. In all that, I controlled and made happen what I could. It is about having a positive attitude and doing the right thing for all involved. Your attitude provides clarity to your actions.

You mentioned one thing about judgement. You're right that no one should judge because we don't know everyone's story...and everyone has a story...or two:)
 






thehairyfiddler said:
You should order this book LLB. I was on another website this morning...and the thread was entitled "memories of Cleveland Muny Stadium". I was at the game when Dick fuckin Tracewsky hit a 3 run homer off of Sudden Sam McDowell to ruin our chances in 1968.

http://www.amazon.com/Sock-Em-Tigers-Incredible-Detroit/dp/1934186163
Click to expand...

Yes, was identified as one of the turning points of that season. Still my all-time favorite team in Detroit Sports. Every guy contributed to a key win at some point in the season. One other little-known fact: Al Kaline was out almost that entire year. He was a fill-in and had to tell Mayo Smith after they clinched, that "he was happy to sit on the bench and play when needed" and that Mayo should "go with the guys that got him there." Mayo said no way, and that he had been thinking of moving Mickey Stanley, a gold glove Centerfielder to SS. Ray Oyler couldn't hit his weight (think Duane Kiper), but had a great glove. So, Kaline got in, Northrup moved to Center, and both had Monster Series. Kaline's average was about .380 for the series.
 






One chooses how they feel. It takes work to be happy. It is easy to be miserable. If it weren't you would see books like

"How to unleash your inner pessimist"

"12 steps to an unhappy life"

"You too can be miserable"

Every day I am walking on top of the grass instead of lying under it is a great day.
 












Perhaps I had way too long to contemplate death, to dance with it and finally embrace it as my companion and inevitable end, it changed me. Maybe it was all the drugs I was on that made it easy. I don't know.

I have absolutely no fear of death. It is unending peace and beauty, the letting go of all things made by man and God. That makes it tough to stay here where often there is such ugliness and imperfection. I am glad it is kayak season once again and I can feel the peace of the water lapping against the boat and hear the sounds of laughter and music from distant campers, a duck or bird take flight, the jump of a fish - all these things make life simply beautiful and make it pleasant to be part of the earth.
 






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