I'm from HR

Quote

Anonymous

Guest
and I am here to help.

Please address all of your concerns anonymously, and I will do my best to serve you.

Because Eli Lilly is no more than the sum of it's parts- it's people.

Want answers that matter? Fire away.
 






Will PC3 reps be retained at end of contract?
Does the company expect bydureon to launch In march?
Will a sales sleeve be added for bydureon?
Will MSK be eliminated?
 






What is the nature of reality?
What is the 9,032nd digit of Pi?
How many angels dance on the head of a pin?
Will I get laid this afternoon in an office?
Why does your urine smell funny after eating asparagus? (Mine doesn't, but I bet yours does)
Why doesn't my urine smell funny after eating asparagus?
What is the chemical reaction that makes a tomato red, and what is the evolutionary advantage that it provides?
 






why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?

why is it called tennis when only two or four players compete ?

why doesn't a chicken have teeth ?

why is there no "L" in xmas ?

if I only drink half a cup of V8 did I have a V4 ?

can you really die laughing ?

can you really belly up to the bar backwards ?

when I look at my foot I do not see 12 inches, why ?
 






Why are they called apart-ments when they're so close together?

If a tree falls in the woods and a man is not there to hear it, is he still wrong?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
 


















After consultation with your immediate supervision,

and their supervision,

and their supervision,

and their supervision,

and their supervision,

and so on,

I would be happy to meet you at Coffee Zone for precisely 20 minutes to answer your questions that matter. Thank you for your enthusiastic responses.
 






Anonymous;4037693 [url said:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/09/health/research/09longevity.html[/url]
What is the 9,032nd digit of Pi?
How many angels dance on the head of a pin?
Will I get laid this afternoon in an office?
Why does your urine smell funny after eating asparagus? (Mine doesn't, but I bet yours does)
Why doesn't my urine smell funny after eating asparagus?
What is the chemical reaction that makes a tomato red, and what is the evolutionary advantage that it provides?
Click to expand...

What is the 9,032nd digit of Pi? Depends on whether you are M2, M3, M4, etc.,

How many angels dance on the head of a pin? Depends on how much gov't sponsored research the company has profited from lately.

Will I get laid this afternoon in an office? Only if you masturbate yourself into Shanghai-la

Why doesn't my urine smell funny after eating asparagus? Wrong orifice.

What is the chemical reaction that makes a tomato red, and what is the evolutionary advantage that it provides? That question doesn't matter... what do you think we are, rocket scientists?
 


















Anonymous said:
HR Response: Why not? We have the time. And so do the retirees. Besides, there aren't that many retirees out there. And who knows, we may increase our bottom line if we can sell more meds.
Click to expand...

Sorry about the incomplete response. Yes, it's true that we want to minimize the number of retirees, by "attrition" due to "cost-cutting" via "Six Sigma" and "maximizing shareholder value."

We need to "focus on core strengths" as we "leverage infinitesimal gains in IP" as a result of our Sino-American synergies. The result will be better than Egg Foo Young. Which as you know is delicious.
 












Anonymous said:
Sorry about the incomplete response. Yes, it's true that we want to minimize the number of retirees, by "attrition" due to "cost-cutting" via "Six Sigma" and "maximizing shareholder value."

We need to "focus on core strengths" as we "leverage infinitesimal gains in IP" as a result of our Sino-American synergies. The result will be better than Creme de SumYounGuy. Which as you know is delicious.
Click to expand...
.
 






Anonymous said:
Sorry about the incomplete response. Yes, it's true that we want to minimize the number of retirees, by "attrition" due to "cost-cutting" via "Six Sigma" and "maximizing shareholder value."

We need to "focus on core strengths" as we "leverage infinitesimal gains in IP" as a result of our Sino-American synergies. The result will be better than Egg Foo Young. Which as you know is delicious.
Click to expand...

"We want to minimize the number of retirees"......I am a retiree. Does that mean I am on a hit list? Who will HR hire to snuff out retirees? Or is HR just going to depend on ExpressScripts to robo call us to an early grave?

Hmmmm. So many questions, from so many retirees, all looking for Answers that Matter.
 






Where does baby oil come from?

Will I win my auction on ebay?

Tell me about the Dow and NASDAQ averages for the next 5 years?

Will I be able to retire from Lilly?

Was Gladys Knight ever on a PIP?

Can I get rabies from a toilet seat?

Did Eli also make the cotton gin?
 






If it bears the red Lilly, is it right?

Can a doctor really practice medicine without drug reps?

Can nurses sign for samples?

Can members of Lilly's board of directors read?

Was Eli really a colonel?

Was smallpox vaccine returnable?

What happened to Tri-Solgen?
 






Why aren't pink slips pink?

Are $10 bills really going away?

Should Austin Collie retire?

Should I get Prozac for my dog?

Will it ever rain?

Will I ever be able to get another job as good as this one?

Will I ever be able to get another job as bad as this one?
 












It is HR in name only at Lilly. Lilly HR is the most fucked up bunch of morons ever. I worked there 28yrs took the package and ran have no regrets whatsoever, there is a much better life outside of Lilly. There is no HR in HR there it is just some software called Peoplesoft. Lilly used to be able to make money in spite of themselves when that ended the dysfunctional management stayed dysfunctional and the company went to shit. It is so fucked up now it can't survive. What other company would have 4000 managers with 2000 of them managing absolutely nothing, just managers in name only... wtf! Why would you hire a consulting firm to figure out what is the problem with the company and then when they tell you cut back 40% on management you say no it is working for us we won't do that. Lets give the CEO a big raise even though the company is going to hell. I kick my own ass everyday for staying as long as I did.
 






Top Bottom
Back
Quote