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GorgeousGAMS said:
I agree totally but am probably not even remotely interested in "starting" over. Actually, the thought is a bigger turnoff than the silence I live in.
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I can say from experience it is damned hard. But I also have a helper, which has made a HUGE difference. I don't think I have done with without Mr. Dump. I guess that's why I'm resigned to the fact that at my age going back to school and picking up another degree or "trade" would be pointless -- nobody wants a 55+ female around this area -- at least not for the amount of $$ I think I'm worth. Then again, I'm limiting myself because I can't move because of him and his relationship with his family.

So it's a trade off I'm willing to make.
 






GorgeousGAMS said:
I agree totally but am probably not even remotely interested in "starting" over. Actually, the thought is a bigger turnoff than the silence I live in.
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Hell yeah GG. At this point in my life, I have earned my cake and eating it too. I hire all of the other shit done, like my lawn, repairs, house cleaning, etc, etc. I even outsource for sex. It's a pretty good business relationship between my wife and I. We can talk, but when she gets bitchy, I walk away. Case in point, my son is down for the weekend, and he's a bit of a fuck-up on certain things. She always has to find something to jump in his shit for. She was pissed at both of us last night, but I never act like I care.
 






Well...at 2k a month for school not reimbursed by my employer, plus my bills, I cannot pay for shit. I hear you though on the tuning it out.
 
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GorgeousGAMS said:
Well...at 2k a month for school not reimbursed by my employer, plus my bills, I cannot pay for shit. I hear you though on the tuning out.
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Don't get me wrong, without her it changes the equation, just like it does for her if I am not here. She has paid very few monthly bills in the nine years we've been married. I take care of that (including child support), and she pays the house cleaners and her visa bill, and (allegedly) puts money away for us. She is good about paying down the mortgage principal and keeping the money market fund liquid. But, the sex, much like many others on here, repulses me.
 






We play the "equation" game all the time. What keeps a relationship together is NOT the same for everyone. I agree with Scarlett that in a perfect world we all get married for the same reason and then something changes for some of us. The dynamics become different especially when people no longer fall into scales of normalcy or when severe adversity erode one's core personality leaving only defensive mechanisms and a faroff desire to maybe still connect (or not).

DD: You are never too old to live a dream and achieve a higher education. My own mother got her BS when she was 65!!! I once called on a doctor who went to medical school at 55 only to go into family practice. I still plan on becoming a published author.

Hey, guess what Mr. Gams is doing? . . . LIFE (sleeping)! LOL
 
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Normalcy can be defined and perceived many different ways. People look at my life/home etc and think I live the 'perfect life'. On the parameter, I may have a tight-knit family, successful kids and a great career. I have a long standing marriage over all that. Within that structure are what I call little cracks or voids of which we often reflect upon to see if we can change or fill them.

When trying to fill these, the path may not always be right by moral or social standards. Who the heck set those standards anyway? Case in pont: today's Mass was filled to capacity! People were standing on the side of the Church as well. These same people never breath the air in this Church any other Sunday..except the 'holiday' Sundays. These people are probably the same idiots who judge and demean others for what they perceive as wrong or sinful actions.

I've learned over the years to do right by family, friends... and just do good things because in the end, that's all that counts. What we need more of is 'communication'. It's become a lost art given the advanced technologies today. People are also so damned tired from work that they come home and forget to reach out and have a real conversation.

Anything can change in a marriage...it depends on how much we want it to...and can it change?
 












Scarlett said:
I posted based on observation but also because communication or conversation that is reciprocal, stimulating and interesting is KEY to any relationship.

I'm not talking about looking at someone across the table and thinking lustful things. There's a time for that. In some cases, after some time - communication is just NOT there between 2 people. It becomes freaking boring or they take daily occurances or thoughts for granted. I had a relationship with an ex BF that was the pinnacle of intensity when it came to communication. We could talk for hours each time. Loved it.

A few people have mentioned this very topic to me, and for me communication binds a relationship.
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I know what you mean I think! I had a brief but wonderfully exciting relationship with a woman a year and a half ago that began solely with talking (phone & writing). This lasted 6 months - being sexually suggestive, flirting and talking about our families, our lives and our basic sexual desires. By the time we got together, that communication manifested itself into a wonderful weekend which hit a pinnacle of intensity mentally and physically. It was an amazing thing and to think it was entirely the result of a communication that boiled over into lust and finally friendship. I still feel deeply connected with her and I know that if she walked into the room, within an hour we'd probably be in bed. It's just that we live in two different worlds. But the connection still runs deep.
 


















Vagitarian said:
I know what you mean I think! I had a brief but wonderfully exciting relationship with a woman a year and a half ago that began solely with talking (phone & writing). This lasted 6 months - being sexually suggestive, flirting and talking about our families, our lives and our basic sexual desires. By the time we got together, that communication manifested itself into a wonderful weekend which hit a pinnacle of intensity mentally and physically. It was an amazing thing and to think it was entirely the result of a communication that boiled over into lust and finally friendship. I still feel deeply connected with her and I know that if she walked into the room, within an hour we'd probably be in bed. It's just that we live in two different worlds. But the connection still runs deep.
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Sounds nice Vag....it starts with communication...THAT is the connection.
 












Scarlett said:
Before, during, after = satisfying, exhausting, exhilarating sex. Actually if one gets to this point, it's not about having sex, it's making love.
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One of my favorites with my honey, is us side by side, facing each other, me deep as I can get, and deep kissing with eyes wide-open. I feel so close to her, but I still firmly push her neck toward my mouth and kiss her as deeply as possible. I also will grab her gorgeous ass and press it hard against my pelvis.

I swear, after smoking remarkable weed, I have almost thought that I would have a heart attack, or even pass out, every so often.
 


















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