The amount of real estate I own in your head is staggering at this point. Multiple responses, pretending to be other people, then responding in the format I dictate. I wouldn't bring your performance here up at the next Mensa chapter meeting superstar.
I loved the list you typed up. Did you google search job postings and cut and paste or is that what you imagine a real job to be. Either way don't worry about convincing the guy on the internet that owns you, keep practicing so MAYBE a recruiter will put you through for an interview.
Honestly though, just stick to pharma. Its a safe play for guys like you. Not too much thinking just go leave coffee and say what the coverage is. Nothing to be ashamed of for a limited person like yourself. Which personality are you going to use for your retort? I like the incoherent angry swearing guy.
No talking your way out of that one. Pure application folks . Wish I could be there when they pass over the computer to this GOB and ask about pivot tables, forecasting, building charts and graphs with raw data, etc....