The Novartis DM interviews for a new job

[Anonymous]

So Mr Novartis DM what were your responsibilities ?

I approve expense reports & rode with my sales reps
criticizing them at every turn

Really , interesting , & did you review them ?

I sure did , I was responsible for giving them their rankings

Oh so you had autonomy ?

No I had to give forced rankings as I was instructed .

What if your reps doubles their sales ?

Didn't matter how they performed in a practicle sense
I had to give out 1's 2's & 3's

So what if they all performed exceptionally well ?

Well then I would hand pick my favorites usually reps with a big rack
or someone that did all my work for me , they'd get the highest rankings

Did you coach your reps ?

Oh most certainly I singlehandedly taught them how to pick the highest volume
doctors & hand deliver honararium checks !

Honararium checks for what exactly ?

(TO BE CONTINUED ...........)

 

[Anonymous]

PART II

Let's skip these honararium checks for now, Did you spearhead any sales initiatives ?

Oh definately in the summer I had the girls deliver ice cream to offices dressed in white just like good humour drivers & once when I was allowed to , I let them hand out chocolates at Easter AND Halloween !

Uh yes , impressive , did you have any specific stratgies to increase you sales ?

Why yes I had my team route their calls so they would hit the same high volume doctors
every week !

Did that actually accomplish anything ?

Uh well , it's hard to tell it's not like we had accurate sales data but we had some good theories

Wow Ok then moving on .......


(TO BE CONTINUED ..........)

 

[Anonymous]

PART II

Let's skip these honararium checks for now, Did you spearhead any sales initiatives ?

Oh definately in the summer I had the girls deliver ice cream to offices dressed in white just like good humour drivers & once when I was allowed to , I let them hand out chocolates at Easter AND Halloween !

Uh yes , impressive , did you have any specific stratgies to increase you sales ?

Why yes I had my team route their calls so they would hit the same high volume doctors
every week !

Did that actually accomplish anything ?

Uh well , it's hard to tell it's not like we had accurate sales data but we had some good theories

Wow Ok then moving on .......


(TO BE CONTINUED ..........)

This is right on except you forgot one thing. The dizzy blond with big tits that is giving blowjobs to the DM adn docs. Oh she does hand out candy and say hehehehehehehehe.

 

[Anonymous]

PART III

You mentioned that you rely on unreliable sales data . How can you make a reasonable assumption on performance under such circumstances ?

Oh easy , we have presidents club ! That's where our top performers are rewarded
with all sorts of accolades. In fact I won it myself I was such a superb rep .

Really , sounds good , what about the rep after you ?

Oh they won it too ! In fact in certain territories , it seems that no matter who is working there , they always win presidents club. Why once even VACANT won presidents club
chuckle chuckle !!

Hmmm sounds like a real 'prestigeous' accomplishment .
Let me ask you , do you ever conduct an analysis you know inspecting, cleaning, transforming, and modeling data with the goal of highlighting useful information, & suggesting conclusions for the other territories ?

Oh yeah all the time ! We recognize not all things are equal for instance managed care might be completely different from one area to the next. Same with patient population.

So what do you do to level the playing field ?
Well we explain to everyone it is what it is & control the controllables !

That's it ?

Well we will also write poor FCR's for those territories because we figure they must need to work harder.


TO BE CONTINUED ............

 

[Anonymous]

So Mr Novartis DM what were your responsibilities ?

I approve expense reports & rode with my sales reps
criticizing them at every turn

Really , interesting , & did you review them ?

I sure did , I was responsible for giving them their rankings

Oh so you had autonomy ?

No I had to give forced rankings as I was instructed .

What if your reps doubles their sales ?

Didn't matter how they performed in a practicle sense
I had to give out 1's 2's & 3's

So what if they all performed exceptionally well ?

Well then I would hand pick my favorites usually reps with a big rack
or someone that did all my work for me , they'd get the highest rankings

Did you coach your reps ?

Oh most certainly I singlehandedly taught them how to pick the highest volume
doctors & hand deliver honararium checks !

Honararium checks for what exactly ?

(TO BE CONTINUED ...........)

You must have had a great manager at Novartis. Your impression of the FLM role is a little tainted.

 

[Anonymous]

PART III

You mentioned that you rely on unreliable sales data . How can you make a reasonable assumption on performance under such circumstances ?

Oh easy , we have presidents club ! That's where our top performers are rewarded
with all sorts of accolades. In fact I won it myself I was such a superb rep .

Really , sounds good , what about the rep after you ?

Oh they won it too ! In fact in certain territories , it seems that no matter who is working there , they always win presidents club. Why once even VACANT won presidents club
chuckle chuckle !!

Hmmm sounds like a real 'prestigeous' accomplishment .
Let me ask you , do you ever conduct an analysis you know inspecting, cleaning, transforming, and modeling data with the goal of highlighting useful information, & suggesting conclusions for the other territories ?

Oh yeah all the time ! We recognize not all things are equal for instance managed care might be completely different from one area to the next. Same with patient population.

So what do you do to level the playing field ?
Well we explain to everyone it is what it is & control the controllables !

That's it ?

Well we will also write poor FCR's for those territories because we figure they must need to work harder.


TO BE CONTINUED ............

Post 1, 2, & 4 sounds like the FLM Seigmeier in Kansas City