Pfizer: Mandatory Special High Intensity Training

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Anonymous

Guest
Subject: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and
productivity from our employees, it will be our policy to keep all
employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING(S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the
job,please see our manager. You will immediately be placed at the top
of our S.H.I.T. list. Our managers are specially skilled at seeing that
you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who
fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE
ATTITUDE TRAINING(E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before
they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T. anymore as they are
full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job
training tour.We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.)

Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs and
can apply for promotion.

Apply to DIRECTOR of UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.)

If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD
OF TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)

FROM: Boss-In-General of Special High Intensity Training
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T.) AKA Jeff Kindler
 












That is not what I wrote! Someone did a very poor job of shortening it. My brother & I came up with this 20 years ago, during a blizzard in the Montana mountains. We were stoned, drunk & bored. I showed him a fax i got at the office that amounted to about 6 lines, but it got us started laughing. The original idea was faxed to me. After a case of Bud, & an 8th, this is what i had written. :) I spammed the email server at a company I worked with in Orlando Fla with it. Never expected it to traverse the planet in a day. But, this is the original document as I wrote it.



DEPARTMENTAL MEMO

From:** Corporate Headquarters
To: All Departments
Subject:** Special High Intensity Training

In the interest of improving our company’s efficiency and productivity, along with the quality of our company’s products, new training procedures will take effect immediately. All employees will be required to successfully complete the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (S.H.I.T.). We are dedicated to giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company.

If you feel that you have not received your share of S.H.I.T., please notify your supervisor. Your supervisor will place you on our S.H.I.T. list. Your supervisor will be glad to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Any employees who fails to take this S.H.I.T. seriously, will be placed in our Departmental Employee Evaluation Program for Special High Intensity Training, known as (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Any employees who fail to take this D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously, will be placed in our Employee Attitude Training for Special High Intensity Training program, known as (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since all supervisors have already taken their share of S.H.I.T., they are already are full of S.H.I.T. and don’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore.

If you feel that you are full of S.H.I.T. or have had enough S.H.I.T., you may be ready for our Give Others The Special High Intensity Training program, known as (G.O.T. S.H.I.T.). Please ask your supervisor for an application to our S.H.I.T. training program. We will add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List for the Special High Intensity Training program known as (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T).

When you have mastered your B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T, you may apply for a position as Director In-charge of the Promotion of the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

Any questions and all applications pertaining to any form of S.H.I.T. should be directed to the Head Of Training for the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any suggestions on how we can give you more S.H.I.T., please send them to the Boss In General for the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you for your attention to this matter.



Supervisor Of Mandatory Education
Special High Intensity Training
(S.O.M.E. S.H.I.T.)
 






That is not what I wrote! Someone did a very poor job of shortening it. My brother & I came up with this 20 years ago, during a blizzard in the Montana mountains. We were stoned, drunk & bored. I showed him a fax i got at the office that amounted to about 6 lines, but it got us started laughing. The original idea was faxed to me. After a case of Bud, & an 8th, this is what i had written. :) I spammed the email server at a company I worked with in Orlando Fla with it. Never expected it to traverse the planet in a day. But, this is the original document as I wrote it.



DEPARTMENTAL MEMO

From:** Corporate Headquarters
To: All Departments
Subject:** Special High Intensity Training

In the interest of improving our company’s efficiency and productivity, along with the quality of our company’s products, new training procedures will take effect immediately. All employees will be required to successfully complete the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (S.H.I.T.). We are dedicated to giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other company.

If you feel that you have not received your share of S.H.I.T., please notify your supervisor. Your supervisor will place you on our S.H.I.T. list. Your supervisor will be glad to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Any employees who fails to take this S.H.I.T. seriously, will be placed in our Departmental Employee Evaluation Program for Special High Intensity Training, known as (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Any employees who fail to take this D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously, will be placed in our Employee Attitude Training for Special High Intensity Training program, known as (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since all supervisors have already taken their share of S.H.I.T., they are already are full of S.H.I.T. and don’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore.

If you feel that you are full of S.H.I.T. or have had enough S.H.I.T., you may be ready for our Give Others The Special High Intensity Training program, known as (G.O.T. S.H.I.T.). Please ask your supervisor for an application to our S.H.I.T. training program. We will add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List for the Special High Intensity Training program known as (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T).

When you have mastered your B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T, you may apply for a position as Director In-charge of the Promotion of the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

Any questions and all applications pertaining to any form of S.H.I.T. should be directed to the Head Of Training for the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any suggestions on how we can give you more S.H.I.T., please send them to the Boss In General for the Special High Intensity Training program, known as (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you for your attention to this matter.



Supervisor Of Mandatory Education
Special High Intensity Training
(S.O.M.E. S.H.I.T.)
 






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