NEW DIVISION AT NOVARTIS

[Anonymous]

We are pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High Intensity Training Program (S.H.I.T) It is our intention to give each of you as much (S.H.I.T) as possible. Employees who feel they have taken a great deal of (S.H.I.T) can apply to the Special Council for Review of Education and Work Experience Data (S.C.R.E.W.E.D) for evaluation. All employees are expected to be (S.C.R.E.W.E.D ) annually. Only Novartis can determine how much (S.H.I.T) each of you must take before being (S.C.R.E.W.E.D) If you have taken enough (S.H.I.T) and have been (S.C.R.E.W.E.D) within the current year you may be eligible to receive a Special Hospital Award FOR Training (S.H.A.F.T). Those reps who have taken enough (S.H.I.T) and have been (S.C.R.E.W.E.D) and given the (S.H.A.F.T) are eligible for the Award for Scholastic Superiority in Health Or Laboratory Education (A.S.S.H.O.L.E) Only those who qualify as (A.S.S.H.O.L.E) will be considered for administrative position, and entitled to give more (S.H.I.T) than they take.

 

[Anonymous]

Oh! I would love to apply but unfortunately I got a 1.2 on my 2010 year end and I am not eligible! Boo.

 

[Anonymous]

Who should be the head of this division? There are so many eligible managers for this new division.

 

[Anonymous]

OMG that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!!! Bravo!

 

[Anonymous]

I nominate KP, LT and DL from the Northwest OP. What they did to the PNW was criminal. Good luck

 

[Anonymous]

I nominate KP, LT and DL from the Northwest OP. What they did to the PNW was criminal. Good luck

Don't forget KG from the NW OP too!!

 

[Anonymous]

I nominate Rich S from NY

 

[Anonymous]

I nominate Woody Hopkins, lol, what a jerk and a big fat LIAR!!!! Yep, at Nofartis you get SHIT (late goals, busy work, BS goals), then you get SCREWED (unattainable goals, busy work), then you get the SHAFT (low bonuses, no raises, PIP and then downsized). What a great company, NOT!!!! This place is not the place to be and definitely not the place you would want to be, anyway this industry in the next 3-5 years will go to contract sales forces, just watch, they don't want to pay for performance or relationships, which in time will end up hurting them more than a 20k higher base, idiots!!!

 

[Anonymous]

Remember when Resp Derm used to be the place to be. What a joke. They are still dealing with Elidel lawsuits and Office of Inspector General investigations.

 

[Anonymous]

I nominate all of Upper Mngt! I did not hear of any of them getting displaced. They are the ones that have run the ship (Novartis) into a bigger iceberg than the Titanic hit. Sink, Sink, Sink!