Lex

Anonymous

Guest
Sir Arthur of Sandpiper, CEO of Jargon Pharma announced the progress of the Zen to Zen program at the investigators conference. This initiative guarantees Jaron’s reputation as the superior pharma company with the pipeline to match. It will also ensure that the maximum amount of monetary benefit can be secured for those who matter most to our business- the senior executives. The financial climate is still extremely demanding, and we are sure that everyone will understand the imperative to suck our investors dry. It is vital that we retain our competitive edge by blindly doing what we have done before. Jargon is well on the way to filling the pipeline with candidates by the end of Jupiter’s solar year.
Certain statements are forward-looking statements within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. These statements include, but are not limited to, statements that do not describe historical facts and statements that include the word "will," "believes," "anticipates," "expects," "plans," "intends," "designs", “predicts”, “seeks”, “estimates”, “may”, “should”, “could”, “would”, “potential” or similar language.
 






Spoof News Report....As previously undisclosed, LetTheCashCome Pharma slashed part of its workforce to maintain the estate. The CEO was not on the target list along with other aristocracy. We can cut the low hanging fruit because they are plebeians and don’t have parachutes like the elite” Brainiac Zamboni said in the nonexistent press release. The decision to proceed with layoffs was not difficult. This restructuring is yet another example of our commitment to conserving compensation. Dr Misalign Minor indicated that the direction of the next MacroBoff required some carnage. We plan to focus on our “core competencies” such as Gnome One Million, downsizing, diluting, and management rectification. Our new initiative, Two in Ten will lead to leaner, more focused company intent on showcasing our KNock Out to Blockbuster Strategy - KNOBS.
Certain statements are forward-looking statements within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. These statements include, but are not limited to, statements that do not describe historical facts and statements that include the word "will," "believes," "anticipates," "expects," "plans," "intends," "designs", “predicts”, “seeks”, “estimates”, “may”, “should”, “could”, “would”, “potential” or similar language.