Hey folks! I've decided that from now until I'm laid off I'm going to try and trap as many farts in my company car as possible. My goal is to have the outside spit-shined when they come to pick it up and then once the gentleperson has me sign and takes the keys all hell will break loose. For the next few weeks I'm only catering in Mexican or spicy Indian food to all my offices. I'm going to eat two plates full and blow it out all the way home while keeping the windows up.
I've also decided that when my manager or BRM decides to ride with me that I'm going to tell them I can't because:
1. I have a chapped butthole from being plugged full of Novartis BS for so many years
2. My doctors refuse to see me anymore because they say my breath smells like a combination of all the butts I've kissed and garbage I've swallowed while working here
3. I have infected papercuts on my hands from handing out so many revised PIs and Dear Doctor letters.
I've also decided that when my manager or BRM decides to ride with me that I'm going to tell them I can't because:
1. I have a chapped butthole from being plugged full of Novartis BS for so many years
2. My doctors refuse to see me anymore because they say my breath smells like a combination of all the butts I've kissed and garbage I've swallowed while working here
3. I have infected papercuts on my hands from handing out so many revised PIs and Dear Doctor letters.