In light of pending patent expirations, Eli Lilly is implementing the following procedures to “right size” the workforce:
Older employees (those having accumulated above 70 points) may be selected for early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger personnel who represent Lilly’s future. This program will begin Jan 1, 2012 and be known as Retire Aged Personnel Early (RAPE).
Those employees being RAPED can appeal the decision and request a review of their performance records before actual retirement dates take place. This phase of the program is called the Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers (SCREW).
All personnel who have been RAPED and/or SCREWED will receive priority review for re-employment with Eli Lilly as an FDE via the Study by Higher Authority Following Termination (SHAFT) board. Procedures dictate that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice but may get the SHAFT as many times as Eli Lilly deems appropriate.
If an employee who has been SHAFTED is rehired as an FDE, he or she will be entitled to Half Earnings of Retired Persons Employment Service (HERPES). HERPES is considered a bonus plan as the employee can no longer be RAPED or SCREWED.
Older employees (those having accumulated above 70 points) may be selected for early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger personnel who represent Lilly’s future. This program will begin Jan 1, 2012 and be known as Retire Aged Personnel Early (RAPE).
Those employees being RAPED can appeal the decision and request a review of their performance records before actual retirement dates take place. This phase of the program is called the Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers (SCREW).
All personnel who have been RAPED and/or SCREWED will receive priority review for re-employment with Eli Lilly as an FDE via the Study by Higher Authority Following Termination (SHAFT) board. Procedures dictate that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice but may get the SHAFT as many times as Eli Lilly deems appropriate.
If an employee who has been SHAFTED is rehired as an FDE, he or she will be entitled to Half Earnings of Retired Persons Employment Service (HERPES). HERPES is considered a bonus plan as the employee can no longer be RAPED or SCREWED.