Retired Abbott HR Manager taking questions

Uh, thanks for taking a break from your Mensa meeting to set us straight on that. I never knew HR had its own "custodian/Janitorial" people. Always thought that that was a separate department... And does Abbott also manufacture artificial plants? In our plant manufacturing facility?

 

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EXTRA SECRET, DOUBLE-UNDER COVER, MAS MACHO TRIPLE SENIOR HR MANAGER HERE:
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THERE ARE NO OATH, SECRET RITUALS, TATTOS, OR SACRED TEMPLE. THAT IS ALL A MYTH. HR'S MAIN FUNCTION IS TO PROTECT THE COMPANY FROM ALL OF YOU, PERIOD. EVERY RULE, POLICY, TRAINING PROGRAM, MODULE, ETC IS DESIGNED FOR THIS PURPOSE: TO MINIMIZE THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE AND, WHEN YOU DO MAKE THE INEVITABLE MISTAKE, PROVIDE COVER FOR THE COMPANY. THE PIP IS DESIGNED FOR THIS PURPOSE AS WELL: IT ALLOWS US TO REDUCE THE RISK OF GETTING RID OF YOU. NO ONE IS LOOKING OUT FOR YOU, SWEETHEART, EXCEPT WHERE IT BENEFITS THE COMPANY TO DO SO.

 

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The above is a nonsense post or as we say in HR graffiti, HR's role in life is to administer care to our fellow employees. We never take sides. We honor the confidentiality of your private emails, 1-800 tipster calls, and will take on management if necessary. We encourage that all employees, and especially reps, report out to us any dysfunctional coworkers.
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