Lazy employee's guide to survival in the industry

1. Don't trust your memory. Note every important detail about the executives who drink a lot, show weakness for long legged blondes and so on
2. Prepare a list of grey area incidents that you can file a complaint to ethics and compliance, this will give you at least 6 months of continuous employment or maybe more depending on the length of investigation
3. Prepare a list of plausible explanations to use when you meet a loudmouth colleague at the mall during a weekday. Don't assume that he/she is doing the same thing you're doing: coming to work in the morning, turning the computer on, then leaving for shopping or going back to home to watch the morning show on TV while preparing breakfast for the kids- which is safer. Then you'll come back in the afternoon, complain loudly about long meetings that keep you from doing your work and leave just after your boss leaves.
4. Develop a british accent. Always makes people think that you are smarter than others
5. If you don't belong to one of the born lucky major minorities (y'know what I'm talking about), try to look like you might belong one. One suggestion: bring a same gender friend of yours to social gatherings to give the impression that it will take guts to fire you.

 

For Queen and Country

 

Do the work life balance thingy. They will think that it is your off day whenever you don't respond to an urgent email or vmessage.

 

Don't return or destroy the handicap mirror hanger that you've received from your toenail removal surgery. Use it when you park your car to a closer spot in the morning. Cause you come to office around 10 am.